A friend recently asked me to write on two closely related topics: foreplay as it applies to a BDSM scene, and tips for training a newbie submissive from the perspective of a Dominant. In vanilla sex, foreplay is useful to ensure that both all? Granted, this is more often than not given lip service and not really enacted with any vigor or skill, resulting in less than adequate experiences for everyone involved, especially the more submissive partner. For the initiator, his resolve is already firm, his libido is already activated, and foreplay probably seems like an unnecessary waste of time. We do the same thing in the BDSM world, but we call it warm up instead, and while foreplay may be nice in the vanilla world, warm up in the BDSM world is essential.
I had been asleep on the sofa and my Sir decided it was time for bed, Sunmissive I sleepily went spaxe. That thing about detaching from reality, and blah blah blah? Hitting anyone with anything is in general not the best idea. That absolutely sounds like subspace, and it means so much to me that my blog is helping you explore this. One of my favorites is Mistress Steel's description of all the different Submissive sub space that people can go through. So much information!! Similar situation as June. Make sure he feels safe.
Ho asian lesbi boobs. Sub Space: The Ultimate Frontier for BDSM Play
Advertise on Submissive Guide. Is it like when someone says they were born to be homosexual type of Golf swing beginner free Bdsm and bondage sex with a passionate teen that wants to psace punished Subspace Land. It is speculated this is due to spac difference in activities as switches have reported experiencing both forms. Subjectively, subspace is like getting drunk or getting high on drugs. Section categories. For myself, a subspace includes a time and space where only my top and I exist. Orgasm Control Orgasmic Meditation Mr. Guy 2:Yeah, I played super smash bros brawl last week. It doesn't happen to everyone, nor does it happen every single Submissive sub space you play.
I have been going through some old information that I researched back in and saved on my external hard drive.
- Subspace is a state of being experienced by a submissive person in a BDSM scenario.
- Exploring submission play can involve intense sensation.
- Top definition.
- The submissive gives her power to the dominant and he in turn accepts it and takes control.
- Exploring submission play can involve intense sensation.
I have been going through some old information that I researched back in and saved on my external hard drive. Since we have a lot of new subs out here I figured this may help you all understand the different emotions that you get…. I know it did me.
These issues come to light at varying points in our journey. Sometimes we have to look within to resolve and sometimes we have to look without. Capture that frenzy and direct it towards your submission and voila you have sub fever. If you are fortunate you meet someone that brings you down to earth and understands this fever. He may remember when he thought every submissive wanted to be naked at his feet begging to orally please him.
If you are fortunate you will have this man or woman to guide you out of your fever. It may not be the first one you serve, it could be a mentor or friend but it will be someone who will help you see the realities of this life we live. If you are unfortunate it will be after several relationships have crashed burned and you have met many of the Dominant archetypes. You want to feel his flogger on your skin, wear his collar at your throat, and you want to serve him until you both die or until he becomes human.
Believe me I know this fever. When you are fortunate you can experience it with someone who can help you fly as well as help you land. How can one explain something so weird and wonderful? For the moment I am going to use a wikipedia definition.
I have to say it is the single best definition I have ever scene. Subspace also sub space , in the context of a BDSM scene, is the psychological state of the submissive partner. The term is unrelated to the mathematical term subspace. Many types of BDSM play invoke strong physical responses. The mental aspect of BDSM also causes many submissives to mentally separate themselves from their environment as they process the experience. Deep subspace is often characterized as a state of deep recession and incoherence.
Many submissives require aftercare. During the scene, the intense experiences of both pain and pleasure trigger a sympathetic nervous system response, which causes a release of epinephrine from the suprarenal glands, as well as a dump of endorphins and enkephalins. These natural chemicals, part of the fight or flight response produce the same effect as a morphine-like drug, increasing the pain tolerance of the submissive as the scene becomes more intense.
Producing a sort of trance-like state due to the increase of hormones and chemicals, the submissive starts to feel out-of-body, detached from reality, and as the high comes down, and the parasympathetic nervous system kicks in, a deep exhaustion, as well as incoherence. Many submissives once reaching a height of subspace will lose all sensation of pain, as any stimulus causes the period to prolong.
When the scene ends it is unreasonable to expect someone to simply return to normal. Would you expect someone who has been drinking to simply become sober because they had their last drink ten minutes ago? Would you then expect that person to get into a car and drive away into the night? Would that be responsible? These may take some time to return to normal levels, and there may well be a withdrawal effect, too. The exact psychological impact various from person to person and the interplay between mechanisms is not well understood.
All of the information on this subject is anecdotal. Why not? In truth they are not. They get behind the wheel and can cause a terrible accident. This can be true in subspace too. You may feel that you did not go that far in or the dominant may but in truth the scene triggered something, anything…a childhood memory, a past relationship issue, your deepest fears or darkest desires and an hour later, a day later you feel it.
An example I will use to personalize this mental state is as follows. After a particularly intense weekend with Sir I felt the drop. It was plain and simple he could not text back, call back or anything fast enough to please me and the growling NEED I had to hear his voice or feel his touch. That night he put me at his feet even though we both had other things to do. I sat there near him, he all but ignored me watching a movie but I had him nearby and I felt my equilibrium return to normal.
In a time where that was not possible he talked me through it over the phone. There is the frenetic. This I liken to dieting. Think about it and you will realize it is apropos. You are on your diet and suddenly you start thinking of chocolate, sweet tasty and wonderful chocolate and it is all you can think of.
How chocolate tastes on your tongue and melts in your mouth and the sticky sweetness left on your fingertips if it melted a bit from your body heat.
You want him by your side NOW. For some it can be staved off here by a phone call and hearing his voice. The next level is the depression. It is the endorphins dropping and your body settling maybe some ache and pains form that scene kick in. You are out of sorts and a bit confused as to why. I relate this to a returning to work after a long vacation. You were out there having fun in the sun and all of the sudden you are back in your dark dreary office. Not pool boy named Sven serving you Mai-Tais with pink umbrellas its back to the office drudgery and the mail boy named Norm.
You feel out of sorts, Blah, and just generally in need of something. What you need is him to make you feel balanced. You need his attention. I am being selfish and clingy and…. This tends to happen amongst those whose D-types do not show the proper sympathy for this experience. Or if the s-type wants to put on a brave face because we are here to serve to please is so ingrained she feels she is being a burden to her Master by needing his help.
Whether it is lack of understanding on the D-types part or a lack of communication on the S-types part I do not know. I do know that if you do reach this point once you are better settled you need to ask yourself why you got there.
How you got there. Before you push the big red button of self destruction you need to pick up the phone and say the following words. Help please! This brings me to aftercare the components of which can be used immediately after a scene or in instances like this. I found a fair description of aftercare for those who are interested. I remember the first scene I ever did with my Sir. My knees were Jell-O, my legs filled with water, my mind was flying free.
He wrapped me up in this blanket and held me. It felt like hours that I lay there curled up between his legs with his arms around me. It seemed like hours until I could form simple words instead of nod my head.
It was probably more like minutes. Yet if someone had not held me I would have literally fallen to the ground. If someone had not wrapped me in a blanket I would have experienced some variance of shock. He has always held me. He has always brought me down slowly and on the odd occasion when I needed more.
He has been there. Now before I continue I want to make this clear not everyone needs as intensive aftercare. Some people are fine with a hug and a pat on the ass but I feel that those people are in the minority. The majority of people do need more and they need to realistically know what that more is. You need to be able to ask yourself some honest questions and be prepared to say to him that this is what I need to be ok.
So what do you need to be ok and how can you make yourself ok? Some questions I would recommend are. How do I feel after a scene? Am I hot or cold? Do I feel thirsty? Do I feel like being alone? Do I prefer to be held? These are just some starter questions but honestly assess your reactions and they will be better able to tell you what kind of aftercare you need.
Also be prepared for this to change. People change over time and you may need more or less aftercare as time goes by. Just as with all things take time to reassess your feelings as needed. They can be exciting and they can be scary. There are no set answers to what they are or how they can be handled.
The first is physiological subspace. Most people associate BDSM with the physical aspects of the scene: The floggers, whips, rope, and the like. It is very important to understand that learning to fly involves learning to land in a graceful way, which preserves the flying experience -- because the alternative to a graceful landing is sometimes rather like a mental airplane crash. Forgot Username or Password? Yes, I do believe that many people are born naturally dominant or submissive. It spoke to me in some ways.
Submissive sub space. FEATURED PARTNERS
At this stage it is important to have previously established a passive safe signals when approaching this level of play, a recommended method would be to use the brush drop followed by the two squeezes test. Sometimes called deep space or the roaring void , this experience takes one far past a typical trance and is often deemed incomprehensible by those that experience it.
Medically the condition is also sometimes referred to as endorphin shock. Flying is the end result of a series of chemical and emotional loads released into the body during play over an extended period of time. The results are similar to descriptions of an out of body experience and are often interpreted as spiritual. Often times the bottom will be entirely unresponsive and established safe signals such as the two squeezes test will fail, indicating it is time for play to cease and gently move into aftercare.
They may also begin to have one or more of their limbs shake, or even pass out entirely from the natural high. Be prepared if approaching this level to have the bottom fall out suddenly and entirely so that they may do so in a safe fashion such as by having them already laying down, lowering them to a one inch drop to a large cushion if in suspension, or secured in suspension cuffs or to bondage furniture. It is important to be especially careful with someone in this state.
They require a lot of nurturing and aftercare once they have reached this state and are especially vulnerable. It is widely considered unethical to bring a person to this state and refuse to provide aftercare. Commonly aftercare for someone who has reached this state can last thirty minutes to two hours.
The bottom absolutely should not be permitted to drive or operate heavy machinery until clearly passing a sobriety test of their motor skills if they have reached this state. For medical information concerning this state see endorphin shock. Jump to: navigation , search. I would have to confirm with LK but I believe that it is the feeling that she receives during aftercare, after being broken, that she craves the most.
A great post. This sounds like an amazing experience… spiritual in a sense. It spoke to me in some ways. Is it like when someone says they were born to be homosexual type of thing? I just stumbled on your blog and found it to be fascinating. Thank you. However, as in each of the categories we could choose to do the other, not so natural tendency. For example, you could be right handed yet you could swing a bat left handed. Yes, I do believe that many people are born naturally dominant or submissive.
Call it predisposition or instinct but I have come to believe that most men have dominant traits and most woman have submissive traits. Most men want to provide and no matter how strong they are most woman want to be taken care of in some manner. My LK is the strongest most independent woman that I know.
She is second to no one. I respect her more than anyone else on earth and earnestly value her opinion. She is fully capable of providing everything for our family and could get along just fine without me. However, she enjoys letting her guard down and allowing me to lead our family. She is submissive only toward me.
I, on the other hand, enjoy the empowerment she gives me by trusting me to make sound decisions for us and our family. Thank you very much for your comprehensive reply. I have seen lots of information with regard to the sexual aspects of this topic, but not so much on the psychological ones, so I do appreciate your wonderful explanation. Did your LK always know this was her makeup? I think for me there were so many clear signs even from my earliest days as a young girl.
Fairytale stuff I guess you can say. Your point about societal emphasis on equality between the sexes is excellent. They are just different and that is the beauty in polarity between the sexes. It is terrific that you and your wife have discovered this and are enjoying a whole new dimension of your love relationship. I am also married for many years to a wonderful, caring, brilliant man, and we are exploring this together slowly.
Many epiphanies thus far. I think for the man who takes on the Dominant role this way has to a very highly evolved psyche for this to be ok. I wonder, how does this all impact day to day things in the marriage. Has the dynamic changed outside the bedroom for you two? In any case — I am very happy to have found your blog pages and will continue to check in here.
Again — thank you and best to you and your LK. Your summary of the equality or lack of equality in the sexes was much better than my own. Men and woman are different. One is not greater than the other, however, they are different. I am pleased that you and yours are exploring the lifestyle together. LK and myself have taken our journey slow as well. My LK was instrumental in helping guide me in the beginning. Her submission empowers me. Thank you so much. It is good to know that there was orientation to becoming a husdom by your submrs.
I wondered if it was contradictory to try to provide guidance to my husband, as I worried if offering to much guidance might disallow his dominant nature to surface.
At the start though — I think it must be necessary. So many patterns that need to be reprogrammed. And do appreciate your generous offer to communicate with us privately too. There are so few sources of good information out there and I feel your blog is outstanding in many regards. We may be in touch. It is early days for us, but so far, this is agreeing with both of us a ton. A great post.. I think aftercare is very important and usually a necessity in these kind of things.
As is, like you mentioned, full trust. Aftercare is to follow. Since you enjoy caning your D must have some good tips for aftercare…. Just curious about how long it took for you and your wife to get to the point that she could enter sub space to that extent? Reading your description about her being disoriented and not being able to speak right away made me wonder if there was something I was not doing. To answer your question regarding LK going into sub-space during our first scene, no, she did not.
For us, however, it did happen relatively early on in our journey. I have received several emails from Dominants like yourself asking the same basic question regarding their submissives not getting into a deep sub-space.
I am certainly not an authority in sub-space but here are a few things that I consider when regarding the subject. Remove the unnecessary and undue stress on yourself and your submissive, Relax! Sub-space, in the beginning, will be largely a state of mind or hormonal situation rather than a completely endorphin driven one. What I mean by this is that anyone can be driven into sub-space by pain alone.
That is not what you are trying to do.
Fetish Friday: What Is Subspace? | Strike Your Note
Illustration by Paige Mehrer. Read the rest of our " Love is a Hoax " coverage here. There's no denying that understanding how the human body works can lead to some intense sex. It may conjure up images of bondage, discipline, sadomasochism, dominance, and submission, but many BDSM practictioners attribute the pleasurable pain of their fetish to the endorphin rush that accompanies the acting out of their fantasies.
There's even a word for the state of a submissive's mind and body during and after consensual kinky play: subspace, often described as a " floaty " or " flying " feeling. As far back as , leather activist and author Dr. But subspace does exist: Dr. Brad Sagarin, founder of the Science of BDSM research team and a professor of social and evolutionary psychology at Northern Illinois University, has compared it to runner's high, the sense of euphoria and increased tolerance for pain that some joggers feel after a long run.
Except, obviously, one is caused by the asphalt flashing beneath your feet, the other by a whip swishing through the air. Sagarin discovered that cortisol levels increase in subs and decrease in doms over the course of a scene.
The effect was replicated in the research team's subsequent research: One preliminary study which measured the brain's executive functioning i. However, we've also found that people subjectively report their psychological stress decreasing, so there is a disconnect between what the body is experiencing, and what the individual is perceiving. For their study on brain functioning, Klement admits that the team didn't directly measure brain activity "that would require an fMRI, which would be tricky to incorporate into a BDSM scene".
Instead, they had participants complete a Stroop test—a neuropsychological assessment commonly used to detect brain damage—before and after a scene. They inferred from the study that the changes in executive functioning were as a result of the brain redirecting blood flow from higher-order functions to lower-order functions. Writing in the Guardian , Dr. Sagarin revealed that this "temporary impairment of the brain's executive function capability" was often accompanied by "feelings of floating, peacefulness, time distortion, and living in the here and now.
But what about the psychological subspace felt by those experiencing non-physical play, such as humiliation, pet play, and other fetishes? According to Marlowe, this is where an understanding of behavioural psychology comes in handy. The click of the boot is a neutral stimulus paired with an unconditioned stimulus of licking the boot clean.
It is a learned response. Classical conditioning, made famous by Pavlov's dog experiment, involves placing a signal before a reflex," Marlowe explains. The domme may present a signal of a click of her boot, which will lead to the privilege of puppy licking the boot clean. Operant conditioning, on the other hand, involves reinforcement or punishment after a behaviour. Let's say a submissive shows up to be pegged.
They made a choice not to shave their derriere hole, [even though the] domme prefers a shaved hole to peg. Instead of getting the pegging session of their dreams, they are humiliated by their domme.
I guarantee the next time they arrive to play, that hole would be baby soft. Snow Mercy , a pro-domme with a PhD in biochemistry, has done a survey of peer-reviewed research and apart from Dr. Sagarin's study, she says there is a dearth of academic literature and empirical data on the relationship between biopsychology and BDSM.
No other studies have been published that show the relationship between BDSM and neurochemicals, from what I can tell.
Indeed, most modern academic studies on BDSM are far more focused on questioning and debunking its association with psychopathology. Conversely, one of the earliest reference books on sadomasochist behaviours and relationships, Psychopathia Sexualis , by Richard von Krafft-Ebing in , dismisses the practice and its practitioners as pathological—a trend that continued in the field of psychiatry under Sigmund Freud and other eminent psychiatrists of their times.
In , results from a research project by Dr. Pamela Connolly involving 32 self-identified BDSM practitioners surmised that "although psychoanalytic literature suggests that high levels of certain types of psychopathology should be prevalent among BDSM practitioners, this sample failed to produce widespread, high levels of psychopathology on psychometric measures of depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsion, psychological sadism, psychological masochism, or PTSD.
Connolly's findings are supported by a Dutch study of kinksters, published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine , which concluded that the BDSM practitioners were "less neurotic, more extraverted [and] more conscientious" than the respondents in the control. Evidence that BDSM leads to favorable psychological characteristics. Will academics now turn their sights on the particular psychology and biochemistry occurring during the scenes? Klement says her research team is certainly interested in branching into oxytocin based on their work "indicating that BDSM partners experience increased relationship closeness during scenes.
However, it is possible that changes in these chemicals relate to bottoms' experiences of sub-space," she says. Feb 16 , pm.
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